I love my various decks of Doreen Virtue’s Angel Oracle cards. My favorites are the Archangels followed by the specific Archangel Michael and Archangel Raphael.
I’ve been avoiding my Raphael cards lately because these are the most scarily accurate and Raphael has a sense of humor and always tells me things I don’t want to hear – especially if they’re the truth! Since I’m at a crossroads in my life and a lot of it has to do with my health, I’m bringing the deck back out and bracing myself for whatever he has to tell me.
This morning Archangel Jophiel popped up to tell me to clear my space. This is an excellent idea since I’m starting a new chapter: I met with a new Cognitive Behavioral Therapist last night to help me with my eating disorder and negative behavior patterns that come along with having ADD. I am on medication, but medication can only do so much, I have lifelong bad habits that I’m finding hard to break and still have poor self-discipline and this has driven me into such a pile of dark misery that I have decided I need outside help. I can’t think my way into healthier behaviors, it’s my brain that’s the problem!
Since this is a new chapter, I agree with Jophiel that I need to clear the old energy out and make space for the new. I’m going to energy cleanse my office space this morning and when I get home I’m going to do the same there. I might even de-clutter a little, burn a candle, get some fresh energy in there since I’m at a new beginning. Can’t hurt!
Then Raphael reminds me that I need to take this seriously, treat it like I treat my sobriety. Clean and sober over 19 years, but my food addiction is totally out of control and has been slowly getting that way for a few months before I realized how bad it was this weekend. For today, I said the prayer on the card and have asked to be led to only life-affirming foods and beverages. It sounds way more uplifting and self-nurturing to say it that way rather than start thinking in terms of restriction, denial and “can’t haves” since that only sets me up for rebellion and defiant overeating.
I belonged to Overeaters Anonymous back in 1995, it helped me lose 97 pounds and brought me some true insight into the nature of the dis-ease of addiction. My problem is that all that knowledge doesn’t do me any good if I don’t put it into ACTION.
Last night I took the first step into actively recovering: I sought help. Now I’m here on this blog being honest about it. I’m open to being taught new things, and open to change. I’m willing to change. I’m hopeful and I’m terrified of failing yet again. I’ve been struggling with food for the majority of my life. I want to stop fighting and start healing.